“1. There are sharp teeth gnawing at your arms and you don’t feel anything. One day you wake up, and your hands just aren’t where you left them.
2. If there is a word for this, then you want it buried somewhere that’s not inside of you. You want your own name back without this diagnosis attached to it.
3. The mornings are not forgiving. The sunrises are fires you want to put out. You don’t know how it got like this.
4. The world is an ocean and you swallow it. The world is an ocean and you refuse to drown.
5. Everything is made of smoke, and everything is disappearing. You are still here.
6. As long as you are still here, you are healing. As long as you’re healing, you are winning.
7. Let this destruction become creation. Let this tragedy turn into labor. Into hard work for something, anything, better.
8. Nothing is made out of smoke, and nothing is disappearing. You are still here.
9. Today, the white in these sheets means the enemy has surrendered. Today, the white in these sheets means you have yourself back.
10. For the first time, the ringing in your chest is not a siren. Not a warning that something bad is coming.
11. You have heard what they said about monsters, but all they know about monsters is what they are supposed to look like. But more often than not, the heroes have fangs. The heroes have claws. It’s how they climbed out of the darkness.
12. It’s okay if you have fangs. It’s okay if you have claws.
13. You are the bravest hero I know for fighting this. Even when you don’t feel like you’re saving anyone, let alone yourself.
14. This sadness is a language you will forget all the words to.
15. You will learn better ones. You will not be scared of your own voice anymore.”
— Y.Z, when the sadness comes and you don’t know how to fight it (via rustyvoices
1. You don’t have to kiss people by mistake. You just have to mean it. You just have to mean it so bad that you’ll end up asking them about their toothaches, and their postcards, and the unfinished cross-stitch of their childhood scars.
2. There will be fighting. A lot of it. About your parents, about her parents. About the time when you were too quiet that you forgot your earphones were loud enough to break porcelain. And you didn’t notice her hands shaking, almost breaking skin. Skin you swore you’ll fall unto, raindrops upon raindrops, to keep it from cracking.
3. When she cries, stay five feet away, four, three, zero, but never stay gone. She will deny you forgiveness. She will deny you her monsters, her creaking footsteps, her shower-drenched collar bones, but she will never deny you herself. You are her person. All you have to do is be there.
4. Keep her. Even when she’s a terrifying sunset, keep her. Even when she’s morose enough to be a three minute sad song played on repeat, keep her. Even when she’s breathing a lungful of dust and cobwebs, her heart strong enough to run a marathon of repeated pulses. Don’t let her go.
5. This is not a mistake. This is not a mistake. There is enough of you, and of her in this wholeness to think it not worthy. She is worthy. And you are worthy of her.”